I want to start out by saying that I know first hand what it is like to find out that the person I love and trusted wholeheartedly has had an affair. Although years have passed I still have some trouble describing exactly what it was like because there were so many feelings, emotions, and questions bombarding my mind at one time that it is difficult to put into words. There were times that if someone tried to tell me that we would recover from the affair, I would angrily reply: “what do you know?” But now here I am stating that surviving infidelity and recovering from an affair is possible! And if you want, you and your spouse can allow this to be the “wake up call” that brings you closer to one another than you have ever been.

 I’m not saying that it will be easy. Nor am I suggesting that you even want to stay together. But whether you stay together or separate you can survive and recover even if you don’t feel like you want to right this minute.

 First phase of surviving infidelity is to focus on your individual healing. Before you can work things out as a couple if that is what you decide to do there is a ton of hurt and feelings of betrayal etc. that you will face. Allow yourself to feel whatever you feel, try not to dismiss any feelings as right or wrong. This will help you to sort through and work on healing from these many emotions before you can really face your marriage and make the best decisions concerning healing as a couple. There are healthy ways of processing your emotions instead of keeping them locked away or lashing out in a way that hurts you or them. Recovering from an affair will take time and effort but you have to start with you!

 Phase two of surviving infidelity and recovering from an affair is healing as a couple. This is where you learn to work together and resolve the main issues that caused a breakdown in your marriage. Now that you have worked on your own feelings and responses to the affair as individuals you can begin to work on understanding how you function as a couple and start to rebuild your marriage. You can learn the different dimensions that make a healthy relationship and begin a new and better way of interaction. This is where you can practice new ways of communicating that will lead to really understanding each other. Please keep reading to discover some tools to help you accomplish this most effectively.

 The third phase in recovering from an affair is negotiation. This is where you develop an understanding of how to rebuild and sustain a new, trust filled partnership. This is where trust and forgiveness begin to take place and re-strengthen. But you can only accomplish if you make having a strong relationship a priority and set aside time to re-define the terms of your relationship. You may need to look outside of yourselves and get some professional guidance to accomplish this in a productive way.

 Surviving infidelity can happen with time, but recovering from an affair means that you bring your relationship back to a place where it is healthier than it was before the affair happened. I suggest strongly that you don’t go it alone and get some solid guidelines to follow. In order to really bring healing to your self and your marriage you may want to get Dr. Gunzburg’s program which has helped thousands of couples successfully survive infidelity and recover from affairs. The info in this article was an extremely brief summary of his program and has helped my marriage tremendously. I really do wish you the best in your healing!

Dealing with a cheating spouse could quite possibly be one of the most painful and emotional situations that you may ever face in your marriage. There are so many different thoughts that race through your head and every thought comes with its own set of emotions. The betrayal, feelings of anger, hurt and violation that come with the discovery of your spouse’s actions can be so intense that it’s likely that they could interfere with your being able to stay rational and calm. Chances are that you have already said or done some things that you may regret but that’s normal and its okay.

There are some guidelines for dealing with a cheating spouse that you can follow which will help you at least restore yourself so you can face your marriage and decide what you want to do with it.

First, remember that the affair is not your fault! Yes your marriage had a breakdown that both parties most likely contributed to. But, the cheating spouse is the only one who is responsible for their own actions. This means that they made the choices which lead to them cheating and they cheated not you. Blaming them or yourself will not heal you or your marriage. And right now the most important thing you can do is heal and improve yourself. Your healing cannot take place if you are beating yourself up, cutting yourself down, or blaming yourself for the cheating spouse’s behavior!

Also, when dealing with a cheating spouse many of those who were cheated on tend to compare themselves to the other person. I know it is hard not to wonder what your spouse found in the other person that you did not have. Chances are that your spouse did not gain anything from the other person that you were unable to give, be or do! So go easy on your self.

Dealing with a cheating spouse is not something that most people can do alone. However it important that you are selective in whom you choose to involve by telling them what your spouse has done. It is quite common to want to lash out and tell everyone what a slutty horrible person your spouse is, and to trash talk them for what they have done. But by choosing the right person or two to confide in your healing will take place faster and smoother. Remember what’s important is for you to heal.

If your spouse is still cheating, I have to ask for your own well being that you make sure of the facts and have proof before confronting them. If you don’t have the facts and proof when dealing with a cheating spouse they will only become sneakier and cover their tracks better, this will make it more difficult for you to catch them. Click here to find out how to catch them and bring it out in the open.

I know how difficult it can be to go through this! You may wonder if you will ever be able to survive the affair and find peace of mind. Dealing with a cheating spouse can be devastating. I can only encourage you by saying that I know you will heal. Please feel free to leave questions or comments regarding this post or your experiences and maybe we can help point you the right direction. I wish you health, hope, and success for your future! ~ Matt Perusse

Ps. Here is a suggestion for some material that can help you in not only dealing with a cheating spouse but in finding complete recovery for you and your marriage from the devastating effects of an affair. I hope to hear back from you soon! ~ MP

Learn how to survive the affair  –  CLICK HERE

Unhealthy Marriage: “All we need is love; everything else will fall into place.”
This is a common myth, especially when you are in a newly formed marriage. Over time, the “honeymoon phase” will wear off and daily life sets in. You may find yourself realizing that there is much more that goes in to creating a healthy marriage.

Healthy Marriage: Being in love doesn’t make the rest of life disappear. Yes, if you want to make a healthy marriage loving one another is important. But it is surely not all you need. There is a difference between falling in love and staying in love. How common is the break up excuse where people say “I love you but I’m no longer in love with you”? Healthy marriages allow for each person to grow and require attention to assure that the love is constantly being renewed. It may not feel the same as when you were falling in love, but will develop into a deeper and more meaningful kind of love.

What makes a healthy marriage? Those that have enjoyed long and happy relationships have learned how not to take their love for granted! They have learned what it takes for their spouse to always feel valued; loving their spouse in spite of any shortcomings the other person may have (unconditional love). Staying in love with your spouse takes effort and making a healthy marriage means putting that effort into your relationship on a regular basis.

Myth: We don’t have to address issues until we are faced with them.

Reality: Of course you will want to address issues when they arise, you can’t predict everything in advance. Life is full of uncertainties and surprises. Marriage is a partnership and a winning team forms strategies in advance with some flexibility for handling the unexpected.

What makes a healthy marriage? Discuss important issues before they arise. Form an agreement for how you want to approach life’s challenges and goals and become a team. For example, many couples marry without ever discussing how to raise children and then find themselves in disagreement on how to handle certain topics such as discipline, sports, school, fostering independence while still giving parental support, or teaching responsibility to name a few. Other important topics are retirement, finances, establishing boundaries with the in-laws. Many couples never discuss how they will handle things when they disagree, and yes, healthy couples do have times where they will disagree. Practicing what’s in this paragraph alone is a huge part of what makes a healthy marriage. But remember to stay flexible since circumstances rarely turn out exactly as planned.

Myth: “If we are not fighting then our marriage is fine”. Just because you are not fighting doesn’t mean that everything is fine. Many couples live peacefully in the same house but that is not what makes a healthy marriage. You could very well be drifting apart and end up being one of those couples that “just woke up one day and said wow I don’t even know you anymore”!

What makes a healthy marriage? If you want to make your marriage a healthy one then you must invest in it. That means setting time, money, and energy aside to spend just on your relationship. Here are some examples; I want to be a good husband so I read eBooks, articles and hard copies about relationships and invest time into studying material on marriage. I also involve my wife by asking her opinions on some of that material. By doing so she sees that I’m invested in her and in return she naturally wants to continue being a good wife! Also, we make sure to do something together alone outside of the house at minimum once a week some weeks we get out three or four times but always at least once for an hour or two. We get away overnight a few times a year. It’s amazing to me how much people invest into hobbies, work, tools, games, clothes & toys which is all good but then they balk at the idea of spending $39 to learn how they might become a better partner for their spouse. Wouldn’t you be flattered to know that your spouse spends time reading or trying to learn how they can be better for you?

There are volumes of info available for your relationship if you are willing to learn about what makes a healthy marriage. The information in this post is only a small beginning. Here a few books and courses that I highly recommend for you and your spouse. I hope the best for you and your relationship! See you next time. Matt

“My husband barely touches me anymore… I long for human contact” 

“I’m tired of begging and being rejected” 

“He says sex is not that important to him” 

“I am very angry, lonely, and bitter” 

“I am stuck in this sexless marriage” 

“I love him and want our marriage to work, but I am not ready to give up my sex life”

 Can you relate with any of the above statements? If so, you are not alone. Many couples are facing the same problem you are; they are living in a sexless marriage. It can be draining, humiliating, confusing and lonely when your husband or boyfriend is no longer sexually intimate with you.

 I know because I’ve been there. After 7 years of marriage and three children, my husband and I got caught up in the day to day stresses of life and did not tend to our sex life. I was miserable, he was miserable and eventually we separated then divorced. As I look back on that relationship, I see many areas where we went wrong. Not tending to our love life and living in a sexless marriage was a huge mistake. Had I known then what I know now, we could have changed things around.

 Today, I am happily re-married and have found a great program that offers some tips and tools that will light up your sex life and keep the romance and passion alive. It’s working for us! By focusing on our wants and needs and trusting each other to communicate what these are, we know that we will continue on the path to happiness and fulfillment.

At this point, you have probably tried to come up with every reason why you have lost the sexual closeness that you once had and asked yourself, “How did I end up in a sexless marriage?”

 Click Here To Start Fixing Your Sexless Marriage Today!

He doesn’t find me attractive anymore… He drinks too much…He is depressed… He’s taking a new medication… His penis isn’t functioning properly…

He is having an affair… He’s gay…He just doesn’t love me anymore.

Or, more commonly, women place the blame on themselves:

I’m ugly…I’m fat…I don’t know how to please him sexually…I did something wrong…I’m not good enough…I am not loveable…I do not deserve to be happy. 

To add to your pain, when you’ve tried to talk to him about it he gets uncomfortable and either he shuts down or he places blame on a number of things:  1) you or your looks 2) he’s too tired 3) he’s too stressed 4) he’s just not in the mood. Maybe it even leads to an argument.

 This can leave you feeling like there’s no point in bringing it up, and lead to  further damage to your self-esteem and self-worth. In effect, creating a cycle where now you don’t want to have sex with him either. As one wife I know, stuck in a sexless marriage, put it, “One day we finally had sex but I could tell that he was forcing himself to be with me. I felt so bad after that I just wanted to take a shower and forget it ever happened. Since then he has not touched me and I don’t know what to do.”

 So what can you do? You can continue the old, stuck cycle if you are too afraid of bringing about the change to happiness and a fulfilled sex life. Perhaps you’re not ready to “rock the boat” (no pun intended!). Of course, this information will still be here when you’re ready.

 If you are ready to get “rockin’” right now, I highly recommend the “Fix Your Sexless Marriage” program. The great part about this program is that it concentrates on your individual, unique marriage. It also separates men and women and their perspectives, allowing you to target the areas most helpful for you and helping you create a solution that works for you and your husband (or boyfriend).

 Help yourself, your husband, and your marriage by bringing the passion back and overcoming your sexless marriage starting today.

 If you are burdened with the issue of a sexless marriage I want to encourage you that there is hope. I also want you to understand that the low sex drive exhibited by your spouse is likely to be the symptom and not the real problem. And that by trying to solve the symptom without addressing the real issue you will set yourself up for more frustration and discouragement. You must find the deeper issue if you want to accomplish your desired goal of bringing an active sex life back into your marriage.

 As well, it is also important to know that male and female operate differently since we are made up of unique hormones, and raised with diverse role expectations. So, reading a book that is universal by dealing with the issue as being the same for either gender will seldom provide adequate help.

 Another thing to consider when fixing a sexless marriage is that blame will get you nowhere. I know that the temptation to blame yourself, your spouse or some one else for this problem is strong. But, blaming will only complicate things further, by adding more stress and negativity to the situation.

 When a person, male or female, is dealing with their own loss of sexuality or sexual desire they are usually unwilling or unable to talk about what is causing them to feel this way. It is even possible that they cannot yet identify it themselves, so it may create a bigger hang-up if they are approached to discuss it directly. This makes fixing a sexless marriage even more complicated because they usually will not want to see a marriage counselor or sex therapist. But also they may retreat further into solitude when approached by the very idea of seeking outside help.

 With a little guidance and some determination you can fix your sexless marriage. You can learn how to open the communication rather than seeing your spouse shut down and avoid the subject. This will enable you to discover the true reasons for you’re spouse not wanting sex. You can learn how to get them involved in the process of healing without them knowing it. I recommend that you visit this site and learn the simple steps that can increase Romance and bring the spice back into your marriage.

            The only blueprint we have is often the example of our parents. So, it’s no wonder that the divorce rate is currently around 55% and climbing. While there is no shame in receiving marriage counseling, it does require time, money and commitment. Then, you still have to practice what you learned when you get home. I really don’t want to sound grim, because your marriage is worth that investment! Also, a good marriage counselor is undeniably worth their weight! So, if your relationship is in trouble and in need intervention, then don’t waste any time in finding professional marital guidance.

            There are however, other alternatives for learning how to improve your marriage! Tools that can assist you in learning how to communicate without it turning into a marital spat! There are online marriage workshops that are fairly inexpensive, and allow husband and wife the opportunity to work on your marriage without the added stress of missing work or finding childcare. These workshops provide great techniques for better communication; they also cover a variety of other topics as to how to heal your relationship. Topics such as unresolved conflicts, extra-marital affairs, lack of intimacy, excessive fighting, ineffective or not enough communication, not enough quality time for busy schedules, a suffocating partner, children issues, trial separations, and many more complex and difficult situations.

            To sum things up, yes there are times when professional marriage counseling is necessary if you want to save your relationship. But only you and your spouse can make that choice. Many times, if you both have a desire to restore your marriage, you can access the abundance of resources that are available online. You can form an agreement to spend time together reviewing and learning these helpful tools and most importantly you can practice what applies to you specifically as a couple. There is plenty of hope for you to both enjoy a happy and loving life together!

 Do you think that there is a time when it is okay to snoop into your spouse’s personal life? If so then when or what makes it okay to spy on your spouse?

Let’s draw a scenario. One that is all too familiar, and is becoming a huge problem in today’s world of high tech communication.

 Most of us know someone or at least know of some couple out there that suffered a divorce or separation after one spouse began innocently communicating with an old flame on one of the numerous social networking sites. Yes it may have begun innocently but it ended with the two of them riding off into the sunset to follow their soul mate fantasy.

 Actually where these affairs usually end up is a tragic awakening for both involved in the affair and the marriage that was very likely to be repairable to begin with. Most of these types of affairs never even last for 6 months. I will say that the marriage is still repairable but it will take some strategic guidance.

So, is it ever okay, or is it simply wrong to spy on your spouse? Of course I think that a marriage without mutual trust is headed for trouble, and spying can be in itself a lack of trust. Or is trust lost before the temptation to spy sets in?

 If there is mutual trust in a relationship then both spouses would have no problem allowing the other to know all their passwords and permitting them to access of any of your social network accounts. For example cell phone, My Space, Facebook, Twitter, emails and so forth. My wife and I have all of each other’s info, and can access the other’s accounts whenever. I don’t mind at all as I have nothing to hide.

 There are certain signs that indicate the possibility of an affair. For example the quick shut down of the computer screen when the other spouse enters the room, too much time in private on the computer or cell phone, frequent deleting of history or cookies, or defensiveness when asked about any of these behaviors, to name a few.

 If you are suspicious then I say spy! But use discretion. The earlier an affair is detected and exposed the less damaging it can be to your marriage. You do not want to accuse your spouse wrongfully. Nor, do you want to accuse them without facts. If your gut is telling you that something is wrong then instinct is probably right but you owe it to yourself and your marriage to find what is going on before you jump into any conclusions which may lead to wrongful blame.

 There are ways to detect an affair and find out to what extent it has developed without your spouse ever knowing that you are suspicious. Of course my goal is to see marriages succeed and be happy and my wish is that all marriages had mutual trust and loyalty. Yet, I am not naïve either. If you have suspicions without facts then I strongly recommend that you check out this site so you can learn how to gather the facts and settle the issue in the most productive manner. I truly wish you the best for your marriage!

It is possible for two mature people to rise to the occasion and start to create their ideal marriage, and reach the point of healthy conflict resolution. There are many tools out there to assist with this, many are extremely expensive and time consuming. You don’t necessarily need to spend a lot of money to figure this stuff out, but it will take effort and commitment. Getting married means you are now two individuals, each a part of a couple. Yes, you have to maintain your own identity, but at the same time you have to nurture each others individual growth and learn to operate together.

Marital problems are like a three-legged race. The goal is to reach the finish line, preferably in first place. If you both can do the best you can with your one free leg than you will build momentum. The trick is learning to get the legs that are strapped together to work in a good rhythm. Of course, you will be cheering your spouse on the whole time, because you both want to win.

 Let’s look at an example of how a couple can work against each other during a three-legged race in their marriage.

 Let’s say the situation is:

 Husband believes that the wife is too lenient with the kids. He says she never makes them do chores, doesn’t make sure their homework is done, never gives consequences when they do something wrong.

(Not being a good cheerleader for the team, is he participating in the team? Maybe he thinks he’s a coach?)

 Wife thinks: Husband is too hard on the children. He yells at them and belittles them, threatens them but then doesn’t follow through. She believes that if he’s not going to do anything but yell, then the issues must not be that important. He’s just letting off steam.

(No common goal, where’s the finish line? Are they even running the same direction? I think the strap may be slipping off their joined legs!)

 Whoa! These guys are never going to win the race that way. Both of the parents are exhausted and the kids are out of control. They need to find their rhythm and work together as a team. And talk about tension in the household! Can you relate to any of this? If they’re feeling this much tension, how do you think the kids are feeling?

 This kind of struggle can happen with many different issues; parenting, finances, household chores and errands. It even happens with attention and sexual needs. If you have ever felt like this, you could keep doing what you’ve been doing and get the same results. Or, perhaps you are ready to try a different approach.

If you are here thinking that you really want to make a change in your relationship, but you don’t know where or how to start, then you are in the right place! Congratulations on taking the first step of realizing that your marriage is worth it!

These are some statements that we have heard people make. Do you agree with the following statements? Use them as a tool to gather your thoughts, and then post your answers in the comment area. Remember, we wrote these to provoke thought they are not necessarily what we believe.

1 You can’t love others until you learn to love yourself first.

2 I shouldn’t have to tell my spouse what my needs are. If they really loved me then they should already know!

3 People are capable of falling in and out of love so if your “true love” turns out to be abusive or makes you cry more than smile; you should end it and find a healthier person to love.

4 True love is something that you show even when you don’t “feel it”.

5 Unconditional love means you love that person-no matter what.

6 Love itself is not a choice – you can never choose if or how much you love a person.

7 Love is not a feeling, it’s a choice.

8 When you think about the person you love it should make you want to be a better person.

Define love by thinking of what it means to you. Be honest and write down the feelings and thoughts you have about love.

Thanks, we can’t wait to hear your replies!

(We will be on a Romantic Getaway until Tuesday,
so the posts will be updated then… be watching!)